Allergies; or, The Sweetness of Boys

You may not know that I have a couple pretty severe food allergies. Strawberries make my throat swell up and cut off my oxygen supply and it's bad. I'm unable to digest seafood and fish, and they attack my stomach in a similar fashion to food poisoning. Projectile vomiting, dizziness, the works.

These two categories are some of B's favorite foods. He even used strawberry shampoo until a couple of days ago when he read the label and realized it had actual strawberry extract in it and stopped to make sure I wouldn't break into hives from the strawberry when he touched me. I've never had an external reaction before, but I try not to come in contact with them. Wednesday, B was craving sushi, but wasn't going to get any because I'm allergic. I told him not to be silly, that he can eat whatever he wants. So we went to the sushi place to get him some, and they have a chicken sushi, no fish, so he got that so I could have some, and something that I definitely couldn't eat, and took it back to his apartment to eat. There must have been a little bit of fish in the chicken sushi, or I got some of his seafood roll from sharing the soy sauce, but I definitely got something not good for me. It was only the tiniest bit, not enough for me to notice until my stomach started rolling. It wasn't as bad as it could have been, I didn't ever throw up, I just felt like my stomach was being stabbed repeatedly with a hot needle, and got really dizzy, so much so that I couldn't even sit up straight. B just held me until I decided it wasn't going to go away and should probably go home, and then he supported me out to my car (we had taken it to run some errands and just brought it back to his place after grabbing the sushi) and drove me home, and then took me up the stairs. He didn't want to leave me, since I didn't have any roommates yet, and I really didn't want him to leave, so he got me comfortable on the couch and held me for several hours until my manager came and kicked him out because we're not supposed to have boys in our apartment after a certain time. He just held me while I cried because my stomach hurt and I hate being sick and I hated making him worry, and stroked my hair (honestly, that simple gesture always makes me feel so much calmer and better about everything), and he was just so kind. B kept apologizing for being so stupid and talking me into getting sushi (even though I convinced him that it was ok, and I didn't have to eat it and stuff) and how we're never going to eat there again and he's never making fish when I might be around. It was touching to see that he cares enough about me to be so concerned.

Resolved

Everything that was driving me crazy about B two weeks ago? All my confusion and concern and anxiety? Everything I was trying to pretend I didn't want? Completely resolved. We're dating now. We don't know where exactly we're headed, we haven't talked about it, but we're together for now. I thought I knew him well before, but I already know him so much better. We talk so much more now. I'm so twitterpated. I'm basically useless. Everyday I can't wait to get off work so I can see B. So I can have his arms around me and talk to him and steal kisses when people aren't looking and listen to him talk and laugh and hold hands and do all that fun stuff. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me happy. He doesn't make fun of me or hurt me in any way. I know it's early in the relationship, but we've been friends for a few month now, and he's never given me any reason to not trust him or be afraid of him doing anything that I don't want or would be bad for us or for me or would hurt me. I think if anyone does any hurting in this relationship, I would be the one to do it. Which I pray I never do.

B and I kissed Friday night. Just fyi. :D

Dating? I think so...

B and I held hands last night. It just kind of happened, I sure wasn't planning it. He might of, since it seemed like he started the long slow process of actually getting our hands together last night. In my mind, this means we're dating, boyfriend/girlfriend. I might be old fashioned, or just relationship inexperienced (both are highly possible), but holding hands means something significant, especially the way B and my's relationship has gone. Slow and steady and often times faltering and frustrating. B also asked me out on Monday, and we're probably going on a "real date" this weekend. He's supposed to meet me at work and walk me home, although his excuse is no longer valid (he and his roommate borrowed my car to run some errands, and he was going to get me my keys back, since I need my car right after work, but his roommate brought my keys over while I was home for lunch. Stupid head. :) ). I hope he still comes though, I might not get to see him tonight if he doesn't. I'm going to my old roommate and her husband's for dinner, and I usually stay really late when I hang out with them, and it might be too late to stop by B's when I leave. If B doesn't meet me after work though, I just might have to leave earlier than usual so I can see him. :)

But yeah, I'm deliriously happy, giddy as can be, been smiling pretty much nonstop since about 9 last night. Just wanted to let y'all know. I'm so freaking happy!

Yeah, my break from B? Lasted about 10 hours. I started to miss him, and there it went...

What's Going On?

I'm taking a break from B this weekend. Since I came back from my trip, I've spent every free moment with him (ie, any time I'm not at work or asleep), and while I love it and we've been having fun and talking a lot, at the same time, our relationship has stagnated. We're not moving forward in any direction, and I'm generally of the school of thought that if you're not moving forward, you're going backwards. So I'm taking this weekend to think. To figure out what it is that I honestly want from him right now. To decide if he's worth it to me to compensate for his shyness by always being the one to make the next move. It's starting to hurt, pretending that we're just friends all the time. Pretending that I don't want to kiss him goodnight after he walks me home. Pretending that I don't want to cuddle while we watch a movie, or hold his hand while we walk, or tell him I miss him when we're apart. Pretending that his roommates mean the same to me as he does. If he wants us to just be friends, then that's fine, but he acts like he wants more, but he won't do anything about it. I'm just tired of being the one to always take the initiative. If he wants to see me bad enough, he'll have to come over. I'm not going to his place, but if he comes or calls, I'll talk with him and spend time with him. I need to be worth the risk of whatever it is that he's afraid of that's stopping him from taking us in a direction. I need him to be a man.

everyday

Today is the end of life as we know it.

Wedding Week Highlights

I went home to California last week for my sister's wedding. A few highlights...

• Playing with my little cousins all week.
• Dancing like a loon at the reception.
• Walmart. PJs. 11pm. Wedding Underwear. Jack in the Crack. 'Nuff Said.
• Clear jellies and poofy dresses.
• La Jolla beach at sunset.
• Reveling in 105 degree heat for a few days.
• Real Mexican food.
• Getting lost and brake failure coming back to R/C from San Diego.
• Starbucks. Jamba. More Starbucks. (Chocolate Chippy Frappacinos)