heartbreak

B's only class this semester is marching band, which is ending this week, before it gets too cold to touch metal instruments outside. He's planning on going home between the end of the semester and our wedding, and his parents decided they want to come get him next week and move him home before the snow starts flying and the roads get dangerous, which is understandable. The thing is, that's a month and a half more away from him than I was expecting. More than I'm prepared for. More than I can handle. He won't be here for Thanksgiving. He won't be here to go to the Twilight movie with me. He won't be here to make me feel better and rub my head when I have a headache. He won't be here to hold me when I'm so stressed out I just want to die. He won't be here for my graduation, which means he won't be here to meet my daddy, which means he won't meet him till a few days before our wedding. He won't be here to read my drugs textbook to me. He won't be here to help me plan our wedding. He won't be here to play Battleship or do laundry at the laundromat with me or kiss my head or cook me dinner on my late days or help me do dishes or hold my hand or meet me after class or walk around the park or do anything at all with me. He just won't be here. I know we'll talk all the time, but it won't be the same. I miss him when I don't see him for 24 hours. I miss him already.

thoughts

• It is freaking cold and dark outside and I've been on campus for nearly an hour (it's now 7:20am). Most mornings I'm hauling my lazy self out of bed at this time to rush around to get to my 7:45 class.
• Someone has been added to my "I really really really don't like you" list. The appointment with the dean yesterday? Yeah, I was in trouble. One of my roommates reported me (and by extension, B, but I'm the one who got called in) to the Student Honor office for "sexual transgressions in opposition to the Honor Code". Umm, what? Yeah, B and I make out, probably too much, but we've never even gotten close to that. And we've been working on it, trying to be better, because we know how easy it is to slip up during our engagement. And we refuse to do so, we will be married in the temple for eternity. This time they just gave me a warning, but if I'm reported again, I could be subject to expulsion. I'm furious, and the worst thing is that I know who reported me so very falsely, but I can't say anything, because reporting is anonymous to prevent backlash. The worst thing is that no one mentioned anything to me. A couple weeks ago another of my roommates mentioned they were concerned and slightly uncomfortable being around us, and we've shaped up a lot since then, so I'm hurt that Someone would do something like that to me without mentioning that she had a problem. But it's so like her. She tore down and threw away another roommate's "hot guy" poster that was hanging in the hallway without a word of prior complaint, so I guess this is just an extension of that insanity.
• I have so much due today and nowhere near enough time to do it in. I'm screwed. And I'm blogging instead of writing papers. Crap.

I think I like lists

• B's sister hated me. Well, she claims she has nothing against me, personally, but when she told B her opinion of me, she said some awful horrible things that really really really hurt. I just don't understand.
• I just want it to be December 12 already. And then let's just fast forward to February 13. Because my entire life is hinging on those two days (December being my graduation, February being my wedding), and all this stuff in between just feels like busy work.
• Especially when it is busy work, assigned by vindictive professors who want me to be miserable and have no time to actually talk to my fiance or plan the rest of my life. Job hunt? What? Nope, no time for that.
• I got a call the other day from the Student Honor office on campus. I have to go meet with a dean tomorrow. And I have no idea why. Just to double check, I reviewed the honor code and all the rules, and I haven't broken any of them. My boss says they probably need me to be a witness about another person's incident, which is disturbing on multiple levels, as I don't know anyone who should be in that much trouble, and also, I don't know if I'm comfortable testifying against someone. B thinks they're going to give me a million dollars. That sounds like a good option to me, we could pay off my current student debt, go live wherever we want to, we can both go right back to school (him to finish his BS and me to work on my MA), we could afford rent and insurance and all that other stuff that we don't really know how we're going to afford.
• My parents are going to pay for my wedding dress. Hallelujah. We're hoping to spend less than $1000 on our wedding, and my parents paying for my dress might actually make that possible.

uno, dos, tres, quatro

1. I think I should have lived in the Baroque period. A quote from my humanities study guide (yes, I'm taking freshman humanities as a senior): "Fat was seen as healthy, robust, ideal, as seen in Ruben's work."
2. B and I have changed our wedding date. February 13th, 2009, so that my aunt and uncle who live in Austria can be there (they're going to be visiting in February).
3. I think I've found my dress. Pretty, simple, AND less than $200! Amazing.
4. I'm meeting B's favorite sister today. I'm kind of nervous. I want her to like me so much, and I'm just scared, I guess.

It's Official!

I think I've told everyone who needs to hear it directly from me (if I missed you, SORRY!), so I'm making the announcement here.

B and I are getting married! We've set the date for March 6, 2009, in the Los Angeles LDS temple. I don't have a ring yet, and we don't really have any other plans yet, but I will keep y'all more or less updated on the plans, although I don't want this to turn into a wedding blog, so I'll try to keep the updates minimal.