Listening In

I'm at the library, listening to some 18 or so year old guy tutor a 14 year old boy in math (those are my age guesses, both could be a year or four older or younger). They're both wearing basketball shorts and backwards baseball caps over shaggy summer hair. The younger kid is idolizing the older one, and the older is rolling in the adoration of a fan, and regaling him with stories of college life (good ol' CCCC, taking courses at Harvard on the Hill). He slept through his class this morning. College history is all essays. College English sucks. His teachers hate him... I'm chuckling to myself about how much this older kid is trying to impress the younger one, and trying hard not to giggle out loud at how hard he's trying to sound worldly.

I Wonder

Who decided that blue was blue and red was red? Why do the people I love drive me so crazy? What will my life be like in 1, 5, 10, 20…50 years? Will everything work out? Am I ever going to find a job? Who decides what words are cool? Does everyone feel this way? Am I crazy? Are you crazy? Why aren’t I more patient? Why do people think I’m so much nicer than I actually am? How come I can’t say no? Shouldn’t my life be focused more outside my books? Am I ever going to be able to go back to school? Will things really work out with B? How come my creative impulses never work out the way I want them to? Why am I so afraid? Could I actually make a living doing something I love to do? Why am I so anti-social when my studies focus on social interactions? Am I really cut out for academia? Will I be a good mother? Will I be a good wife? Am I going to make it? Am I ever going to get a job? What is my purpose in life? Where will I live? How can I be a better person? Am I too stubborn? Should I chop all my hair off? Why can’t I seem to lose this weight? Why don’t I sing anymore? Does anyone have all the answers? Why does our family still use so many of our baby words when we’re all in our 20s and teens? Why does water taste so good some places and so bad others? Will I ever learn? Can I make it on my own? Can I manage my finances so I can get out of debt and not get into any more? Am I losing my faith? What if I do? Is it possible to pay off my student loans in the next two years? Do people miss me as much as I miss them? Will I ever be able to afford to go to Europe/Australia/Asia? Why are foreign languages so hard for me to learn? How come I can’t roll my R’s? Do people honestly wear the things that come down the runways and are in the high fashion magazines? Why are certain family members so obsessed with the idea of a hope chest? Who decides what are good manners and bad? Who decides what’s tacky? Do people honestly believe those crazy things? Why do I believe those crazy things? Do I believe? Do I ask too many questions? Is there such a thing? Do I worry too much? Why do I worry so much? How does electricity work? Why do trends recycle themselves? What’s the difference between a turtle and a tortoise? How come some people never get sick? What are my talents? Why is paisley such a popular motif? Will people ever live in Antarctica? Why are people so cruel? How can things like the Holocaust happen? Will I get any mail today? Why do I care so much? Do I suffocate the people I love? How does the Musical Road work? How did they figure out how to get airplanes up in the air?

I Hate

bugs. spiders. dead birds. peas. pessimism. children who are never told no. arrogance. closed-minded-ness. extreme laziness. needless criticism. cruelty. wearing flip-flops to church. poseurs. people who talk about money all the time. people who refuse to learn. destruction of books. avoidance of topics because they might be unpleasant. people who shelter their children too much and criticize others because they don't shelter their children as much. goatheads. black licorice. cheetos. strawberries. falling down. being sick. email forwards. losing touch with good friends. growing up. impatience. bad drivers. diving. snakes. assumptions. ecological preaching. political lecturing. bigotry. resistance to appropriate change. people who never ever act their age. failure. feet. people touching my feet. being tickled. being poked. too much ice in my fountain drink. when things freeze in the refrigerator. slimy vegetables. 11 year old boys. mustard. unmelted cheese. the word maxi. the word slacks. the word blouse. incorrect grammar. improper punctuation. people who deny problems. ticking clocks. dripping water. guns. violence in movies and real life. being late.

Self Improvement

There are two things I would like to do.

First, blog more. I've become way lax in that aspect of my life. Other aspects, including letter writing, job applying, cousin playing with, ice cream eating and book reading, I'm all over those.

Second, I've become one of those people who when someone says they like what I'm wearing, I tell them exactly where I bought it and how much I paid for it, even if it was purchased three years ago on the clearance rack at Ross. (For example.) I want to stop this. It annoys me when other people do it, and therefore I want to stop.