Talking Back

Oh hey...

2011-12-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

So, we got married! October 21, in the Portland Oregon LDS Temple. We've been spending the last six weeks or so traveling, settling in, and trying to adjust to this whole being married thing. It's surprisingly difficult...probably in part because we spent about three years prior to being married missing each other and idealizing the time when we'd finally be together. I'm not saying it isn't wonderful--it is! So wonderful. I love being married to B, and I love him, but it is difficult to realize that he's a real person too! With annoying habits, weird clothes, and a totally different communication style. Just like me!

ouch

2011-10-08T13:09:00.000-07:00

Last night I cried myself to sleep...while still wearing my contact lenses. All day, my eyes have been dry and scratchy, even with a several hours glasses break, and a new pair of lenses when it was time to go out into the world. This is not helping the "I'm getting married in two weeks and do not feel remotely pretty" feeling I've got.

What was wrong? Nothing really. Just missing B, lonely and stressed about everything I need to do in the next week to get ready for the wedding.

18 DAYS

2011-10-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

before I marry my best friend...18 days, and two hours, to be precise. And I like precision. Especially when it comes to this. Three years. Three years of engagement. Three years of long distance. Three years of seeing each other sporadically at best. Three years of missing each other, of going to events alone, of wanting him here, but he can't be. Three years. And in 18 days, it will be over. Less than that, really, because I'll meet B at his parent's for all that last minute stuff in 12 days. 12 days! 12 days until we get to see each other every single day. 14 days until we get our marriage license. 18 days until I become his wife. Until B becomes my husband. Until we're together, a family, forever. And we believe in forever.

A few gratituous shots from our engagement session with my fantastic cousin:

Monster Rock is my favorite place in the Alabama Hills of southern California

This one went in the announcements.

I'm a bad blogger

2011-08-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

And I don't even have pictures.

Since last I wrote (in JUNE!), a lot has happened, naturally.

B moved to California, and we've spent several weekends together. It's so nice that he's only a few hours away. We still don't see each other as much as we want to, and it's about to drop in frequency again, but we'll live. We'd see each other more, but he works 6 days a week, about 13 hours a day. Some days he's so tired when he gets home we get about 10 minutes on the phone before he's falling asleep.

BUT, we have managed to set a date! October 21, 2011, in the Portland Oregon LDS temple. We'll have a reception in Salem (B's hometown) the next day, and an open house in RC (my hometown) the next weekend. I've bought my dress, we're working on all the other details surrounding wedding prep. I have fantastic ideas (in my head, at least) and hopefully some of them actually work out. I can't wait to marry B and I can't wait to be his wife.

B and I have also got an apartment! We're moving back to the grand old Rexburg Idaho. B's going to continue his education at BYUI (he'll start classes in the winter semester), and I'm going to be working. Hopefully at a job that will pay our bills without making me want to kill. I'm moving in September 1st, B will join me about November 1st, as my HUSBAND! Husband is such beautiful word. I have a feeling we're going to be sleeping on the floor for a while (at least I will) and eating off the top of boxes, but we'll live. It's romantic to be poor when you're newlyweds...right? Our apartment is a little bit more a month than I wanted to spend, but really only about $25, and we have our very own washer and dryer that comes with, so hopefully we'll save that much by not having to go to the laundramat. And oh how nice it will be to not have to manuever the ice and snow of winter with a laundry basket. We're in a fairly central location, just a few blocks from campus, and a few blocks from my favorite grocery store, AND about one block from the hospital, which B seems to think is a plus. We have two bedrooms, a bathroom (naturally), a good-sized kitchen (hooray! a kitchen that's MINE) and we'll be in the basement(ish), so we'll stay warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer. That's the theory at least.

Pictures to follow...eventually.

Oh yeah...

2011-06-14T20:05:00.000-07:00

I never did tell about my trip to see B. It was fantastic, but not nearly long enough. He and his parents picked me up at the airport Saturday morning, then we drove down the Oregon coast. Just one picture...I was a tiny bit distracted :) but his mom took about 8,000 pictures of us, so when she emails them to me, maybe I'll post more. :)

Sunday we just hung around the house and went to church. Going to church together was wonderful! I've missed it so much. Monday we spent at their church picnic, and at a garden festival, before he took me to the stupid airport.

And now we have some exciting news...

B has a job in Corona, California for the summer! Which MEANS he will be less than three hours driving away for the next two and a half months! Unless I move north before his contract is up. But still, so, so close. He started today, which also means that he spent the weekend here in the 'crest with me. He met a big chunk of my extended family, and a few of my good friends (and survived with only a couple threats from my uncles). Him being so close means we get to see each other more than we thought we'd be able to, which will be wonderful.

Have I mentioned that I love this man? I can't wait to be his wife.

But no, we haven't set a wedding date yet. We're taking things slow this time around. Sort of slow. The current estimate is this fall.

Ack!

2011-05-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

So, B's home! I got to talk to him yesterday, and we'll be talking again this evening too. I'm so happy, beaming. So far, it looks like we still fit. I'm going to see him next weekend, and am kind of freaking out. WHAT does one wear to see one's fiance for the first time in two years? I need to look gorgeous for him, but also impeccable and beyond reproach because we will be spending lots of time with his family, who are still unconvinced of my awesomeness. I need some help people! I've got a couple outfit ideas, but none of them seem "right". Maybe because NONE of my clothes seem to fit properly right now (I've been losing quite a bit of weight so a lot is too big, but I'm not quite in the "well, maybe someday they'll fit" things either). Maybe because I'm too excited. So, tell me, what would you wear? Put together fantasy outfits, and post in the comments. I'll see what I can do with your suggestions.

I'M SO EXCITED!!!

(In other news, I basically quit blogging, announced it, and my site visits went through the roof! Where did all you people come from?)

glow

2011-05-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today someone told me they wanted to tell me I was glowing, but was afraid I would be offended, since "glowing" usually implies pregnancy (which I am NOT). I guess I'm a little happy? Maybe...considering I get to see B for the first time since March of 2009 (yeah, it's been that long) in 26 days. Not that I'm counting or anything. And I get to talk to him for the first time in two years in 18. I might be a little thrilled. We're thisclose to being done with this stupid communicating solely by letters thing. I don't know how the olden days people did it.

(for WHY B and and I haven't seen or talked in two years, click here)

PS, I found just about the shirt I was looking for at Gap.com, so I ordered it. Thanks Angie!

ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-04-28T20:49:00.001-07:00

I hate that the stores I used to go to for basic layering tees have gotten all fancy and don't have what I need any more. All I want is a brown or ivory 3/4 sleeve v-neck shirt. Is that too much to ask? Tell me, where do you get such things? Because my usuals (Old Navy and Down East) have failed me.

high school popular

2011-04-23T06:30:00.000-07:00

There was this guy in high school, junior or senior when I was a freshman, star basketball player, smart, popular, talented, etc. He went to to play college basketball for a top school. He MIGHT have known my name at one point, since we attended the same church (although different congregations, so probably not), but we never actually interacted (naturally). Now he works for the same organization I do (although much higher in the ranks). I occaissionally get emails from him now, referring to purchasing and such, and whenever I see his name in my inbox my first thought is "Since when did he start emailing me?" I have a total 14/15 year old flashback, where the idolized senior guy is actually talking to geeky me. And then I remember, oh yeah, he works in the business department. I order books and supplies. He makes sure they get paid for. Duh.

privacy

2011-04-14T21:09:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if other people think I'm completely clueless. Ok, I admit I frequently come across that way, especially on facebook, but really? Do people think I'm that dumb?

You know why I don't blog much any more? Partly because I try to keep more or less anonymous on here, and completely un-google-able. And since I blog about my personal life, generally, this is getting harder and harder. Maybe I need a change in focus, start only writing about shoes or something, maybe I need a move to a new site, maybe I need to put this as private for a while. Maybe I need to stop caring. But right now, I care, and it's hard to talk about what's going on without violating my privacy restrictions. Restrictions I've placed on myself, yes, but important ones. The things I want to talk about are things I'm afraid to let out.

So I don't know. Don't expect a lot out of me. Not for a while, at least.

Birthday Week

2011-01-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

My 25th birthday is on Friday. I just typed Saturday, then had to fix it. That makes me officially old, I think, when I'm not counting down the days till my birthday anymore. Actually I haven't done that since my 16th, you know, the big deal, and even my MOM forgot it was my birthday. On facebook a few days ago, I said that all I want for my birthday is a weekend with nothing to do. Actually, I want a few other things too:

I want gumption to finish all the projects I start.

I want to feel like I have a reason to sew the bridesmaids dress that I have to wear in less than a month.

I want daylight until 6:00 so that my afterschool kids and I can do things outside.

I want a few days of B, all to myself. (I'll get this in a few months!)

I want an unlimited supply of money to pay off debt, buy a new(er) car, pay for my and B's wedding, move, etc. Just for a few months. Not for forever.

I want a newer, bigger car. My car is so old and unreliable that I'm not sure it will make the move to Idaho this fall, even once the current break-down is repaired. And it's so small I've never felt safe on the winter streets with all those crazy drivers.

I want job security.

I want to go to the dentist.

I want some extra creativity.

I want to start zumba. Or running. Or something. Zumba just sounds like fun.

I want everything with B, when he gets home, to be just the same, only better, as it was two years ago.

I want a girls weekend with each of my favorite sets of old college roommates, and my best friends from high school.

I want the organization people assume I have when they hear that I'm a librarian.

Alternatively, I want the level of organization I fake at work to be applied at home as well.

I want to spend some time alone, just a couple days where I don't have to talk to ANYONE and can do whatever I want. Some where not here.

I could go on. I want more. But I won't. I have what I need.

Frustration

2011-01-07T12:19:00.001-08:00

Despite having been recently fingerprinted for BOTH my jobs, my part time job has mandated that I (along with the rest of the staff) be fingerprinted again. This requires a lengthy appointment (expect an hour wait for a 2 minute procedure) with the police department, whose hours for things such as this (ie, I didn't get arrested) are 10:00am to 4:00pm, with no appointments between 11:00 and noon (otherwise known as my lunch hour).

Could they MAKE this less convenient and possible for me?

I don't think so.

Snow Day Thoughts

2011-01-03T22:14:00.000-08:00

Yeah, we got four inches of snow and we had a snow day. Extra day of winter break! That's the beauty of living in southern California: we have no snow removal equipment, and no one knows how to drive in the snow. Also, 4 inches at 5:00am, clear roads by 11, making snow days a good day to go to the movies and get groceries before the grocery store people want me to leave so they can close (I thought when I left college I would be done with that...nope! Welcome to 12 hour work days and responsibilities!). Lest you think I'm overly spoiled, let me tell you that I went to college in Idaho, where the only time I had a class cancelled on account of weather was when my teacher couldn't get from his house up the mountain to the university. Once. And I had to go to class to find that out.

I think that New Year organizing is way more productive for me than spring cleaning. Although...remember when I moved every three months? Hated it, but I almost always knew where everything was. And I knew that everything I owned would fit in my car. Now, not so much.

It's 90% official, I will be moving back to Rexburg by September. 98% official that I will be there by next January. So get out your party hats. And if you know of any job prospects, pass them my way, please! I'm available in July. :)

And, uh, do you have a truck we can borrow?

That extra 2% is me trying really hard not to be "That Girl". I'm pretty much failing though.

How bad am I failing? Check out my goal: To Sew This. Yeah, that's a wedding dress. And I've already got the fabric to make a test run (it's super cheap calico from Walmart...I could be the most stylin' pioneer lady ever next Halloween if it goes well). Anyone know what horsehair braid is? Because I get to learn how to use it.

Also, I love that my family has a florist who will have random "So...if I wanted hydrangeas at a wedding...when are they available?" conversations with me.

Also, I love even more that my aunt makes the best chocolate cake in the world. I will fight you on that. And with my Grandma's raspberry filling, I might just need her to make an extra cake (or five) so I can smush it up and bathe in it. And that just about any food substance she tries her hand at turns into ambrosia. I am not exaggerating.

Clearing out my facebook friends list is oddly cathartic. Good bye girl from high school who made my life miserable! So long person I'm friends with to gather the gossip, but I read your blog, which has the same info and pictures, and you annoy me anyway! Farewell guy I once had a crush on and is now married with two kids, and I don't care any more! And good bye to my cousin's ex-boyfriend who I never liked. And good bye to that roommate I couldn't stand!

Dress Shopping, Again/Still

2010-11-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

Last week, my cousin TT took me wedding dress shopping. I tried on this dress (among others) and really liked it.

Except for a couple things. It's strapless. I need sleeves. It looked stupid with a shrug. It's too sparkly. I'm fairly ok with the sparkles along the waistline, but they're all down the front and back of the dress too. I am anti-sparkle for my wedding dress (but sparkles on your wedding dress are ok). It has a train. I am way too clumsy for a train.

But, I loved the ivory color. White-white makes me look like death. Not even death warmed over. Just death. And I loved that it made me look skinny (believe me, that takes a pretty spectacular piece of fabric architecture to do that!). And it made me feel like someone who is getting married to a man I love more than anything. Which I am. In the summer. (At least, last time I checked.) It was the only dress in the place that I put on and said "I could see myself wearing something like this."

I think this other one might be an alternative though. (You'll have to click over to see it because the site won't let me put the picure over here.) I need to go to Utah to try it on...since I want to go to Utah soon anyways. I need to know how many dollars I need to save, after all.

Oh, by the way, the dress I originally bought for my wedding two years ago, my sister A is wearing to her wedding next month. And this dress? Turns out it's too short.

Dear Sisters,

2010-11-11T22:04:00.000-08:00

Please stop telling me life altering news on Facebook. Seriously. You have a phone. You have my phone number. Use it.

Also, is it too much to ask that I get a little of the familial attention/excitement next year?

Love,
me

PS, Yeah, I should be really happy right now, especially for both of you. But I'm not. I'm probably jealous.

delimma

2010-11-08T10:08:00.001-08:00

You want to know something ridiculous? I stressed all weekend about whether or not I should buy coffee for the "Bribe the Teachers to Come to the Book Fair Teacher Preview" breakfast thing this morning. I went back and forth, back and forth.

"The teachers will expect it."

"I don't know anything about coffee!"

"But if there's coffee, they'll come!"

"But I would have to buy it made because I sure as heck don't know how to make coffee. Where do you buy it made? Starbucks? That would be too expensive."

"The teachers love Starbucks. That's why they all have Starbucks cups every morning."

"But I'm Mormon! I can't go into Starbucks and be like 'I need coffee for about 15 people.' There will be someone in there who knows me! This IS Ridgecrest after all. I can't go ANYWHERE without seeing someone I know who would be like 'OMG, Rachael is buying coffee! She's a sinner!"

"But the teachers want coffee!"

"Not Mrs D. Besides, they all know I went to BYUI. Pretty sure they know that means I'm Mormon, especially since they also know that the D kids go there."

"But the others will want it!"

Finally I decided not to buy coffee. And I don't think it made a difference. A couple teachers showed up. They had their own coffee.

My book fair started today. We've already sold $100 dollars worth of stuff, and we were only open for 1/2 an hour before school. I'd say we're going to do pretty well.

books

2010-11-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

I didn't know people missed my sparkling conversation and spry wit. I'm making no promises, but look at me, posting two days in a row! Yay!

If you ever come to my actual blog, you'll see that the background is bookcases. And you may know that I am a librarian (if not, now you do, I am a librarian at an elementary school). And yet, I never talk about books. Should I? What do you think? Do you even care what I'm reading? I read a lot of middle-grade lit (3rd-8th grade reading levels), trying to be able to reccomend books beyond what I vaguely remember reading in the 4th grade.

So.
Most recently read: The Giver
Currently reading: Little House in the Big Woods and The Red Pyramid
Most favorite book I've read in ages and ages: The Mysterious Benedict Socity and sequels (it's a trilogy)

What, I have a blog?

2010-11-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah. Sorry. I have been super busy since school started. How busy? B has gotten 1.5 letters in the last month and a half (.5 is an email :) ). And my cousin CC, who has been on his mission in Georgia for a month now, has gotten exactly 0. I know. I'm a horrible person. So last night I took an hour and drew CC a comic strip. Because that's what we do. And thanks to the wonders of the scanner, B gets a copy, and you and my facebook friends get to see my fantastic stick-figure drawing skillz.

The background is that last week, some of my other cousins and I picked pomergranates after dark. If you've ever picked poms, you know that while they are delightful, their trees/bushes are not. They are thorny, nasty, evil things.

school so far

2010-08-25T09:02:00.001-07:00

I survived the first day of school yesterday, complete with all the kindergarteners in the school, including three criers, one child with autism, and a pants-wetter. Third graders in afterschool program were insane. Today we are going to go over school rules. And the Ms C rules.

So far today, I have made my to-do list (Item 1, figure out how to put the fear into those third graders! Item 2, write the "today was your child's first day at the library" letter to parents), and bought a watch and a whistle. My breakfast this morning is a Cherry Coke and an Almond Joy from the Wednesday morning snacks in the staff room.

I think I'm going to like it here.

August 5

2010-08-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

Look at me, posting pictures on the day I took them... :)

Today I saw what I think was a hawk on my way to the post office. I'm not very good at bird identification, but I'm pretty sure. It was pretty huge and had red on the underside of his wings and was coasting on the air currents. Observe.

I circled him. :)

There he is again, at the very top of the picture. This isn't zoomed at all.

Now I want to show you my library bag and tell you the story about how I got it. When I went to Kansas City, Missouri in October 2007 for my cousin's wedding, I had a connection in Denver with about 25 minutes to get from one terminal to another all the way on the other side of that massive airport. As I was running through the airport, my schoolbag, which had all my school work I should have done on that trip in it, split. I gathered up my books, and kept going. I got to my flight on time, and discovered it had been delayed because the airplane had broken or something. I ended up having over two hours in the Denver airport, so I found the cheapest bag that would hold my books I could find, this bag. I was incredibly stressed, because I was only had about an hour from when my plane landed to when the wedding began. I was about to call and tell my cousin I was going to be late and would miss the ceremony when my phone rang and it was him telling me the wedding had just been canceled. Stress about timing evaporated into stress of cancelled wedding, etc.

Anyways, here's the bag. It holds books very well.

Last picture of the day. :) I got gas this evening and this giant moth was on the ground behind my car. I think he was dead because he didn't move at all, even when I dropped a nickle down to show size comparison.

August Break 2010

August 4

2010-08-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

The dragonfly that landed on my windshield wiper while in the Drive-Thru Dairy line for Dollar Pop Day. I love the Dairy. See?

Dollar Pop Day makes me happy!

August Break 2010

August 3

2010-08-05T19:53:00.001-07:00

Ok, I lied. I didn't take a picture on Tuesday. Blast!

August 2

2010-08-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

I should really know better by now than to sign up for something that requires me to do something every day. I got August 1, now I'm posting three days at once. At least I took pictures, right? I think I did at least...

So. Monday August 2.

I knew busting out the Duplos and Legos for our FHE activity when it was at my house was a good idea. I swear the baby engineers are just tall 6-year-olds.

August Break 2010

August 1, and as promised, photo #1

2010-08-01T22:08:00.000-07:00

The first picture taken with my new camera*. Creg's birthday...the candles the guys are lighting are on the cake I made.

And the first picture of me taken with my new camera...I'm still learning how to use it so I can't tell anyone else how yet. :) And ignore D.

*I didn't pay that much...it was on sale! And funny story, it's a new thing, right, so there's this big display at the store, and all the pictures are like high adventure stuff...rock climbing and white water kayaking and junk and stuff, and I'm looking at it, and the guy comes up and asks if he can help me, and I tell him I'm pretty sure I'm going to get this one, and he goes "Oh are you outdoorsy?" And I was like "umm...no...I'm just really really clumsy." Hello, am I outdoorsy? Look at me, do I LOOK outdoorsy to you?

August Break 2010

In an effort to post more frequently (again),

2010-08-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

and to take more pictures (again),

I have signed up for the August Break

With my shiney new and totally irresponsible (but practically unbreakable!) camera, expect a picture up tonight.

Ahem

2010-06-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

I would like to introduce you to the new librarian at P* Elementary School...ME!

I start as soon as my fingerprints come back.

*P stands for something, but I try to keep myself un-Google-able.

Who was your first crush?

2010-06-13T22:44:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure if I really want to answer this question...but Ryan W.

I still don't really know why. He was never very cute, and as we've grown up, he's turned into a complete basket case.

I guess I should be glad it never went beyond my first slow dance at my first church dance.

Ask me anything

When was the last time you gave flowers?

2010-06-10T22:40:00.001-07:00

A couple weeks ago, to a friend who's going through some personal issues. I wanted to cheer her up.

Ask me anything

When was the last time you received flowers?

2010-06-10T22:39:00.001-07:00

My birthday! I got roses from Nishi and hydrangeas from Carin. It was pretty awesome.

Ask me anything

Star Trek or Star Wars?

2010-06-10T22:36:00.003-07:00

Star Wars. If only for the memories.

Ask me anything

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

2010-06-10T22:36:00.001-07:00

I'm an introvert with extrovert tendencies.

I have a hard time with large groups.

I don't like talking to people I don't know very well, although I have no problem having hour long conversations with random people at the train station or on an airplane (as long as they talk to me first).

I have no problem performing or public speaking (at least once I begin).

I like being at home as much as I like being with people.

Ask me anything

How many countries have you traveled to?

2010-06-09T09:34:00.001-07:00

Three: The USA, Canada, and Mexico.

I've been to southern Alberta (stayed in Raymond and went to Cardston, Calgary, and Edmonton).

My current US state count is 21, I believe. I have a goal to visit all 50.

And I've been to Tijuana for an afternoon a couple of times. Does that count as Mexico?

Ask me anything

Chocolate or Vanilla?

2010-06-09T09:31:00.003-07:00

Chocolate. Preferably expensive/Swiss chocolate.

Ask me anything

If you could only watch one TV show what would it be?

2010-06-09T09:31:00.001-07:00

Glee.

In all honesty, it's pretty much the only tv show I do watch, because I don't have channels. I have hulu and an uncomfortable kitchen chair to do my tv watching on.

Ask me anything

What's one thing you own that you should probably throw away, but never will?

2010-06-05T15:08:00.001-07:00

Fortune cookie fortunes. Concert/event/zoo/movie tickets. I have a lot, and those are things you just keep getting.

Ask me anything

If you could wake up as anyone tomorrow, who would it be?

2010-06-05T15:04:00.001-07:00

Myself, in five years or so. I like who I am, I just feel stuck in my current situation.

Ask me anything

smitten

2010-06-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

One hour old

36 hours old.

He's 10 days old now. He's beautiful. We call him L'il Bit, but his name is actually Arthur. Baby Arthur.

Born late last Monday, 7 pounds 7 ounces, 19 inches.

He's ours, and I think we're going to keep him.

Note: By "ours" I mean my cousin and his wife's, aka, a new part of the family. I do not mean mine personally.

another post about B

2010-05-28T00:57:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know all of you are sick of him. But I also know that all of you are geniuses and I need some advice.

Last week was B's halfway mark. I wanted to send him a massive package of incredible awesomeness. What he got was a padded envelope stuffed with some chocolate (which apparently melted) and a whole pile of LOLcats pictures printed off. Because we're both dorks who think LOLcats are funny. And the men's shampoo samples that came with my fancy shampoo a couple of months ago.

I'm not usually this bad of a package sender. I promise. But you try sending a package every 6 weeks or so for a year. To the same person. With limited flexibility as to contents. Mission rules dictate no books, no movies, and only religious music. Also his wardrobe is limited to a white shirt and tie 6 days a week (and let me tell you, there's only so many times you can send a guy a tie before it becomes redundant). And he's in Hawaii, so it's not like he's in a foreign country where you can't buy Cheerios.

So you tell me, what would you send your man/best friend as a package?

Highlights I've managed so far: Johnny's magic seasoning salt (which he loves and is surprisingly hard to find); piles of pictures drawn by his fan club of under-10 girls (my cousins and my mom's daycare kids)...I know there was some more stuff that was great, but it's late and I'm tired.

I need some serious help because I've got another whole year of this. And he sends cool packages. I mean, he is in Hawaii...

I THINK I found my wedding dress yesterday

2010-05-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm serious.

At DART's $5 a bag sale.

Still serious.

It's vintage. Shortish. Off-white, which I look better in than white-white. Lace.

Wanna see?

Good, because I want to show you.

front

sleeve (which needs help) and neck

and actual color

back

What do you think?

I'm thinking it needs a skinny belt (you can tell it used to have a coordinating belt of some kind, there's a thread belt loop on one side) and awesome heels. Naturally. In bright colors, of course. Because I am me. And I love color. And heels.

If your wardrobe had to be cut down to 10 items, what would you keep?

2010-05-17T23:09:00.001-07:00

I'm ashamed to tell you how much I thought about this, until I realized that even though I have a ton of clothes, I only wear about 10 items, if you don't count shoes/jewelry/scarves/layering tanks. But then I got thinking...10 items I currently own? Or 10 items at all that I get to pick? Because, let's face it, my wardrobe is not ideal. But it's what I have to work with, so that's how I'm going to answer.

10 Items Currently In My Closet:
1. Gray Trousers--because everyone needs a decent pair of dressy pants...and these are the best ones I have. Plus, they're super comfortable and fit about as well as any pants I've ever owned
2. Purple Dress--it's jersey and feels like I'm wearing pajamas, but looks so much more polished and every time I wear it to church, Sasha exclaims over how awesome I look in purple, so I guess the color is good too.
3. Blue Coat--vintage, thrifted for 50cents, and cute as can be, looks good with dresses and pants. The lining zips out too, so I've worn it in warm SoCal winters (50s) and in the great white north of Idaho (10s, I was never brave enough to try it in the negatives) and been comfortable.
4, 5, 6. Blue, Gray, and Flowered Cardigans--because I can mix them with any bottoms and look pulled together.
7, 8. Black Suit, unless a suit counts as one item, in which case, Brown Suit too--jacket and skirt can be pulled apart to mix with other things to create more outfits (I sound like a women's magazine). The brown one is cuter, but the black one is more professional (and fits better).
9. Dark Jeans--the ones that fit. And dark jeans look nicer (and better on me) than light wash jeans.
10. Button Down Shirt, probably the Red one--I look great in that shirt. And a button-up is essential.

I'm noticing that there aren't any tshirts on this list. And actually, fewer skirts than I actually wear.

Ask me anything

Rachael knows that money won't make her happy. But money can buy shoes and shoes make her happy.

2010-05-14T13:57:00.000-07:00

Generatus: facebook status generator

I thought of Andrea when I saw this site, but instead of emailing it to her, I thought the rest of you might like it too.

The post title came from there. Accurate, yes?

Her New Life

2010-05-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

Stephanie Nielson is my hero.

If you could have one personal servant, what would his/her role be?

2010-05-11T23:05:00.001-07:00

Fixer of broken things: Duties include car maintenance, electronic repair (camera, computer, phone, etc). Occasional repair of broken hearts may be required. Dirty dishes are defined as "broken" and must be repaired by washing/drying/putting away.

Ask me anything

thoughts bouncing around in my head

2010-05-06T23:12:00.001-07:00

My cousin's little girl had surgery today to remove her tonsils/adenoids. I miss my Cosey, second in command of my fan club. So I'm going to send her (and her sisters, and their mom, my beautiful cousin, who also happens to be a single mom) a little get-well package. What does one send a 6 year old (and her 4 and 8 year old sisters)? Something pink?

I took a typing test yesterday, an official one. I type 54 words per minute, and that's going back to correct my mistakes because I can't stand to leave them. The test administrator said that without the going back, it's possible I type closer to 70. 70! That's fast. And there's a big difference between 54 and 70. Maybe I should practice more so I don't have to correct mistakes because I don't make any!

I miss B a lot today. On Sunday it will be a year since we talked on the phone last. Well, it was last Mother's Day. I miss him.

The underwire in the only bra I own that fits is broken and poking me, but I don't have another. I need a job so I can buy a new bra. Maybe that's what I should tell the next person who asks me why I applied for their position. (I know you totally wanted to know that.)

My new job at church requires a bi-monthly planning meeting an hour and a half away on the second Thursday. I thoroughly disapprove. I just went to my first one, and it was pointless. Plus, my supervisor took the opportunity of 3 hours in a car with me and my cohort to have additional meeting, resulting in 5 hours of meeting. All of which seemed completely pointless and inconclusive to me.

I just realized that of the posts I've written in the last year, probably 50% of them have something to do with B and/or me missing B. That makes me feel like one of those girls I make fun of because their life revolves around their boyfriend.

I realize I'm posting twice in a day. Don't expect this to become a habit.

I know some of you will be interested:

2010-05-06T10:46:00.003-07:00

Eliza Magazine

From the "About" page on their website:

ELIZA Magazine is created for women who want to be stylish, sexy, and engaged in the world while retaining high standards in dress, entertainment, and lifestyle. In a media culture that frequently objectifies and commercializes women and their bodies, ELIZA strives to provide an alternative to the current mainstream media that emphasizes sex and skin in order to push products or sell magazines.

ELIZA magazine brings you "Fashion without Fiction." We are realistic about everyday women's price points, showcasing pieces that are worth the big price tags and discovering deals at your local department stores that are just as hip. We are realistic about women's bodies: we don't retouch bodies, and we mix real women and professional models. We are realistic about women's interests, featuring fashion and beauty information, current issues, and real life problem solving, all while keeping perspective on what's really important in life.

Check it out! I think it's pretty awesome. I've looked at the online editions of several of their issues, and I was very impressed. It's well designed, and the clothes. Oh the clothes. Things I could/would actually wear. You know, if I had money to spend. And, umm, a life that required (or even encouraged) glamourous clothes.

Oh, and you can subscribe to an e-edition to be delivered to your email...which I totally did.

What is your favorite and least favorite of your physical features?

2010-05-03T11:04:00.002-07:00

Way to ask a hard question. I've been thinking about it all weekend and I might be able to answer now.

My favorite feature is easy. My eyes. Even though I'm close to legally blind (the estimate is by the age of 35, I will be). They're what people notice about me. They're how people remember me.

Close behind is my hair...when it behaves...which isn't frequently. Or my teeth. They aren't perfectly white, but they're straight without the help of braces, and I've never had a cavity.

My least favorite is more difficult, it's hard to pick just one.

However. Depending on how well you know me, you may or may not know that my self confidence about my body is pretty low. I'm about 5'5", and about 210 pounds. In other words, I'm fat. Naturally, this isn't something I'm thrilled about. On the other hand, it's also not something I seem to care enough about to change. I love food. I love to cook and I love to eat and my idea of exercise is a nice walk, preferably with a companion. Not a whole lot of calorie burning going on there. My weight, unfortunately, affects a lot of other things besides the way I look in cloths. For example, ironically, my skin is not nearly as clear as it was when I was in high school (6 years and 60 pounds ago). I can't run more than a few hundred feet without losing my breath and my knees aching.

I think, though, that I'm finally getting to the point where I am ready to make some changes. I hate that none of my clothes fit properly. I hate that I make cramming three people in the back seat of a car even more uncomfortable than usual. And I woke up this morning realizing that I'm getting married in a little over a year. I don't feel pretty, I don't feel sexy, and I want to feel both when I get married. I know I'm never going to be "skinny"--my bone structure and genetics tell me that's not going to happen in a healthy way, but I can be fit. I refuse to starve and exercise myself into a size six before my wedding. I just want a healthy relationship with food, with exercise, and with my body. And hopefully, someday, I can say that my least favorite of my physical features are my feet.

Because they are definitely my second least favorite.

Ask me anything

holy cow

2010-04-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

My little sister is getting married.

November 27.

Washington, DC.

To a boy she's spent approximately 9 days in the same city with.

And who flunked out of college.

Doesn't he sound like a winner?

bandwagon jumper, that's me

2010-04-28T21:10:00.003-07:00

http://formspring.me/rachaelc1986

You know you want to ask me an anonymous question.

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

2010-04-04T16:10:00.003-07:00

I know that my Redeemer lives.

What comfort this sweet sentence gives!

He lives, he lives, who once was dead.

He lives, my ever-living Head.

He lives to bless me with his love.

He lives to plead for me above.

He lives my hungry soul to feed.

He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply.

He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise heav’nly Friend.

He lives and loves me to the end.

He lives, and while he lives, I’ll sing.

He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He lives and grants me daily breath.

He lives, and I shall conquer death.

He lives my mansion to prepare.

He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

“I know that my Redeemer lives!”

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

“I know that my Redeemer lives!”

--Samuel Medley**

Happy Easter, one and all.

**As an aside, isn't Medley a wonderful name for a songwriter?

woohoo!

2010-03-30T16:12:00.000-07:00

So a few weeks ago, Jennifer of Make.Tea.Not.War had a giveaway on her blog. And I entered. And I won! And my lovely package came on (ahem) Thursday, but my camera cable was missing and I can't connect my laptop to the internet at home, so I'm just now finally able to show you what she sent me! Thank you so much, Jennifer!

Everything was packaged so nicely and her handwriting is beautiful!

my big brothers

2010-03-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight I talked to one of the guys who calls me his little sister, P. He's so happy right now, dating a great girl, working in a job he loves, with enough time to develop his other passions. P's finally in a good place in his life and I couldn't be happier for him.

Talking to him, though, made me realize how much I miss my big brothers.

I don't technically have any older brothers (I do have a little brother who's taller than me though!), and I always wanted one. Of course, I had my cousins, but they were (and are) far away. Now that I'm grown up, I've made several friends over the years who have claimed me as their sister, so to speak. Some are the big brothers of friends, some are husbands of friends, but some, like P, have just adopted me. Now they're all far away (P, for example, lives in Boise, Idaho).

My friendship with P began at about the same time as my friendship with B (they were roommates), and while we sometimes drove each other crazy, our friendship really turned into something wonderful. He "adopted" me as his little sister and still addresses me as such. Our conversations always begin with "hey sis" and end with "love ya and miss you, little sis". We talk frequently, although not enough, and he's one of the few I know I can call at any time, for any reason, if only because he's called me at every time, for every reason. We've been through a lot with the support of each other, these past two years (has it really only been two years?) and I'm really grateful for P. Even if he still drives me crazy.

I think in some ways, coming into my big brothers later in my life (aka, not being born with them already in place) has made me more appriciative of them. My girlfriends who were lucky enough to get their big brothers more conventionally appriciate them (usually), of course, and love them dearly, and many consider their brothers their best friends, but I remember what it was like to not have a big brother. To not have a male role model besides my father, a male perspective, someone to watch out for me and protect me. I remember. And now that I do have that, several times over, I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for their love and their friendship and I am so proud to be their little sister.

(P, that summer we met...oh the memories of this picture, this day)

UhOh

2010-03-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday I visited one of my oldest and dearest friends...and her 10-day old baby. Watching her hold that precious little pink bundle, seeing the way she's changed as she's really become a wife and mother (she's only been married a year), admiring baby J's tiny fingers and little socks, I melted.

Yesterday was my cousins' baby shower. After the shower, I went to their apartment with my aunts and cousin and watched the DVDs of the latest two ultrasounds. Watching Li'l Bit, as we're calling him, since the name is is a secret (aka, they haven't decided yet, but it's ok, he shouldn't come till May), move around on the screen and watching N&B's faces as they watched their unborn son, I was literally in tears (quiet ones).

I realized yesterday, I want a baby.

Two Lists

2010-02-23T23:03:00.001-08:00

Things I should continue to do:

keeping kids alive after baby sitting
comment on the myriad of blogs I read...and on more than just giveaway posts!
travelling
writing letters
applying for jobs

Things I should probably stop doing:

losing the kids I'm babysitting
adding blogs to my reader
travelling when I have no money or job
obbsessing over things I can't change

insight

2010-02-16T15:51:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing much lately. I start to, I write something, and then I read it and delete it. This afternoon, just a few minutes ago, I had insight into why. Lately, I've been feeling really down. There's been a lot going on, and most of it hasn't been great. Today I was reading my sister's latest post on her blog. It was full of whining about her life. And I realized that's why I haven't been writing, because I don't want to be whiny all the time like her, because it irritates me. So I'm being quiet for a while.

Don't get me wrong, life's not all bad. In fact, it's mostly good, overall. I'm just blue. Lonely. Etc.

what a week

2010-02-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

The past week has included:

my 24th birthday, where I was extraordinarily spoiled by my wonderful family and friends (roses from my Nishi, clothes, amazon gift certificates, cases of dr pepper, chocolate by the pound...and so so so much love)
my aunt was diagnosed with cancer (squamous cell carcinoma, the "good" kind of skin cancer)
my other aunt was laid off from her job
I've had two interviews for two (lousy) jobs
there's major drama going on with one (make that half a dozen) of my cousins
Nomi, the cousin whose wedding I attended in November, is pregnant! They're having a boy!
And on Saturday my aunt and uncle who live in Austria are coming to visit for three weeks AND I might be going to the LA zoo!

Suddenly I'm the relationship expert?

2010-01-20T00:53:00.000-08:00

Tonight has been the night of random, long, deep conversations on Facebook chat with people that I never talk to (my cousin's ex-boyfriend) or rarely talk to (my kid cousin from Missouri, high school acquaintance). I don't know how to solve your relationship problems, people! Especially when I barely know you!

That boy of mine?

2010-01-16T22:40:00.000-08:00

He loves to torture me...my birthday package arrived yesterday. My birthday isn't for two weeks. I hate waiting for things, and B always sends me the coolest stuff, so I know it's going to be awesome. (We've never had a gift-giving occaision together...it sucks...but yeilds more mail. :) ) I'm just impatient. I'm not terribly excited about my birthday...just my box from B. The one sitting beside my bed, tempting me. I need to move it to the train room so I can't see it.
I'm tempted to send HIS birthday present next week. It's almost done. I could. But I won't. First of all, his brithday is two weeks after mine, and he might be moving and since he's limited to the amount of stuff he can carry (about two suitcases and a backpack), I don't want to load him down with a box he can't open...because he's good and patient and will be able to wait till his birthday.

PS, I am heartsick over the disaster in Haiti...but you all know what's going on, you know the problems, and you know what you can do about it, you don't need me showing you the heartwrenching pictures and telling you the stories. You know. You will do what you can do.. Me, I'm praying lots, and donating the tiny bit I can here to LDS Humanitarian Service.

Mail Call

2010-01-13T11:51:00.001-08:00

I know exactly when the mail will be in our box. We have a post office box, not home delivery, but I still know that every day, by 11:35, there will be mail in the box, if we're getting any. I always hold my breath as I insert the key and open the box, hoping there's something for me, especially something from B. I guess that's the side effect of being in a long distance relationship with someone who has no access to phone or email. The mail becomes increasing important in your life. Important nearly to the point of insanity.

I think I'll go to the post office now. I need to go to town anyways...right?

Oh, hello there 2010

2010-01-05T16:36:00.002-08:00

Holy cow.

Is it too late to do a resolution list? Hope not, because I'm going to

write more
take more pictures
write more letters
read more scriptures
pray more
smile more

This is probably a little passive aggressive...

2009-12-29T19:00:00.000-08:00

Should I be hurt or offended that one of my very best friends from high school has joined several anti-Mormon groups on Facebook? To tell the truth, I'm kind of both.

2009-12-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

I found a clump of gray hair on my head last night. Six of them. I almost cried. What the heck? I'm only 23.

No Camera Woes

2009-12-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

I have never wanted to take pictures more than I have the last week or so since my camera completely gave up the ghost. Nan's home, Christmas is coming, etc, etc...

Would it be bad to put a new camera on my credit card? I have enough for even a basic DSLR (which I would do almost anything to get).

I know, I'm unemployed. So yes, it is.

Besides, Christmas is coming...

It's a good thing my electronics credit card is currently unactivated.

Dear Australia,

2009-12-04T14:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you for letting our Nan come home to us. We know you'll miss her (we sure have), but we need her too.

Love,
the cousins

PS: My "thanks for writing me!" prize from Nan--a boomerang! Awesome!

Today I Am Thankful

2009-11-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

for

my parents
my sister A
my sister L
my sister C, and even her husband Lo
my brother
all my cousins
my grandparents (especially the ones that let me live with them)
my aunts and uncles
B
opportunity
change
friends
the chance to reunite with old friends
hot chocolate
my car
you!

Glee

2009-11-24T23:49:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm a Gleek. I've been watching past episodes on Hulu this week. I love it. It's fluff and silliness with just the right amount of seriousness. Or maybe it's serious with just the right amount of fluff. I don't know, but it's the best show I've seen in a really long time.

Yesterday, I didn't blog

2009-11-22T23:48:00.001-08:00

Instead, I

saw this beautiful girl get married

(my cousin No-mi)

Spent a lot (but not enough) time with this beautiful girl

(my cousin Katy)

made a new friend

(Alyssa)

and had a classic movie wedding experiance in which we could not stop laughing.

(yeah, we promised her mom this wouldn't go on facebook...we said nothing about blogs)

Yeah, I missed blogging last night

2009-11-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

Instead I did this:

drove and drove and drove through Nevada and Idaho with my two little sisters.

(somewhere in northern Nevada)

And sat in line for hours and hours and hours to go to a midnight showing of New Moon with my former roommates and a friend from home.

(top, Elizabeth and Melissa, my friends from home that I kind of grew up with and lived with Elizabeth. bottom, me and Mandi!)

It was awesome.

Huzzah!

2009-11-18T22:44:00.000-08:00

I finished my dress! Except for a couple hook-and-eyes and hand-sewing the lining where the zipper is, but I did it! I'll finish up that handwork tomorrow and Friday in between driving turns (tomorrow) and hanging out while friends are in classes/living their lives (Friday) before No-me's wedding on Saturday! So excited to see my family! And my friends! Not so much for snowstorms and driving in them. Or for going to this wedding without B (how many more weddings will I have to go to without him...the count is currently 4, and will be 5 this weekend) But family! And friends!

And, yeah, I'm one of those nerds going to see New Moon at the midnight showing tomorrow. My baby sister is so much cooler than me, because she's not. :) Or that's what she thinks.

Today I...

2009-11-17T22:17:00.002-08:00

Got the windshield on my car replaced for my early Christmas present.
Started on the dress I'm making for my cousin's wedding (the one on Saturday) and I need to have the dress done by tomorrow night, since I'm leaving Thursday. It looks like it might get done. I might have to do the hem on Friday while hanging out with my old roommates (I love that Nome's getting married in eastern Idaho!), but it's a blind hem, so I'll be doing it by hand either way.
Listened to the "Glee Cast" station on Pandora. I love it.

I survived the drive.

2009-11-16T20:05:00.001-08:00

I swear, every time I make the Ridgecrest-Winnemucca drive in either direction, SOMEONE has moved all the towns farther apart.

So BUSY!

2009-11-15T12:33:00.002-08:00

I know, what the heck? I am unemployed, etc, but the last few days have been so busy! We have a family do this afternoon, then there's a church thing tonight that I helped plan and have to make cookies for still (ACK!), and sometime I have to pack and fill out a giant job application and... So this is it for today!

I am tired

2009-11-14T21:41:00.002-08:00

And suddenly quite busy. I have no idea how that happened. I need to do about 50 thousand things before I head up to Nevada (to my parents') and Idaho (friends and my cousin's wedding). I need to pack. Oh boy.

And if you happened to catch the comment on my last post, I AM SO SORRY!

Friday Fun

2009-11-13T14:17:00.002-08:00

Today I met up with an old friend at Starbucks. After talking for nearly two hours, I smell like coffee. I like smelling like coffee, even though I don't drink it.

Today I got a letter from my B. He's doing well. :)

Tonight I'm having a sleepover with my little girl cousins. Their dad and big brother are going camping so it's just about the perfect time. Princess movies, hair-dos, and nail painting.

I have nothing to talk about

2009-11-12T21:25:00.000-08:00

1. Picked up a hitchhiker?
no

2. Woke up in a strange bed?
I guess so? I get very disorientated when I first wake up so any bed that isn’t my usual one I can’t remember where I am for a moment.

3. Made out in a movie theater?
yeah :)

4. Made out with 2 different people in one night?
nope

5. Thought your cousin was hot?
I’m well aware that my cousins are handsome/beautiful, but I’ve never been attracted to them

6. Caught on fire?
yep…only for a moment…I’m kind of clumsy

7. Been considered a bully?
yes

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex?
uh, no

9. Gone over the speed limit?
nearly every day

10. Painted your room or house unusually?
not really

11. Been somebody's designated driver?
yes

12. Danced in front of your mirror?
of course, hairbrush in hand

13. Talked or cried your way out of a traffic ticket?
Well, I’ve cried every time I’ve gotten pulled over and never gotten a ticket (except for my accident), so yes. But that wasn’t my intention.

14. Been dumped?
yes

15. Stole money from a friend?
no

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
Yes, thanks to the ride board at my university. Also thanks to meeting friends of friends who I was with.

17. Been in a fist fight?
just with my sister ;)

18. Snuck out of your house?
on occasion

19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
hasn’t everyone?

20. Been arrested?
not quite

21. Made out with a stranger?
nope

22. Left a restaurant without paying your bill?
no

23. Had a problems with your neighbors?
Just the upstairs ones when I live in #9. Oh, and the west neighbors growing up were irritating.

24. Called in sick to work so you could do something more fun?
No, but I’ve called in honestly to do something more fun (or more pressing)

25. Slept in a bed with a pet?
my cat

26. Seen someone die?
no

27. Lost your luggage when flying?
no

28. Kissed a picture?
yes…

29. Been caught sleeping on the job?
Yes. It was not good. Luckily I had a very understanding boss (and co-workers) at the time.

30. Stiffed a waitress out of her tip?
no

31. Seen cloud shapes that reminded you of something other than clouds?
yes

32. Been naked in the snow?
thank goodness NO

33. Almost drowned?
sort of

34. Cheated while playing a game?
I’ve cheated to lose

35. Been chased by cops?
no

36. Fallen down a flight of stairs?

Many times. Ice plus me does not a good combination make. Nor stairs plus me, ever.

37. Been shot with anything?
Hypodermics

38. Felt an earthquake?
Of course. I’ve lived within a few short miles of the San Andreas Fault most of my life.

39. Laid a coin on a railroad track to get it smashed flat?
Yeah…unfortunately on a railroad track that hadn’t had a train through in more than 10 years. I wasn’t the brightest 12 year old you’ve ever known.

40. Ran a red light or stop sign?
yes

41. Been bitten by an animal?
yes

42. Had your vehicle stolen?
no

43. Wondered if you lived in a previous life?
not really

44. Hated the way you look?
far too often

45. Witnessed a crime?
yeah

46. Been lost?
so often it gets ridiculous

47. Been to the opposite side of the country?
Yes! Massachusetts, April 2006

48. Known someone who committed suicide?
yes

49. Been picked up in an ambulance?
no

50. Seen a baby being born?

no

51. Done something that could've gotten you arrested?
probably

52. Enjoyed reading surveys like this, then refused to do them yourself?
sometimes

53. Caught a foul ball at a professional baseball game?
You expect ME to catch something?

54. Kissed an animal on the lips?
on the nose

55. Sang in public?
tons

56. Had a dream that you married someone?

Yes

57. Pretended to not be home when someone was knocking on your door?
Yes, I was home alone and didn’t want to deal with people.

58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?
nope

59. Ever gone in public partially nude?
“Partially”? Doesn’t everyone?

60. Been an informant for the police?
I called once when a friend threatened suicide in high school and I didn’t know what else to do. Does that count?

61. Had your name in the newspaper?
a few times

62. Not taken a shower for a week?
yep

63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?
yes

64. Played chicken?
That stupid game? no

65. Snuck into a movie or concert without paying?
nope

66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?
Unfortunately, yes. It was uncomfortable. Luckily, my “brothers” were there.

67. Broken a bone?
finger

68. Been mistaken for somebody else?
yes

69. Acted in a play?
yes

70. Cheated on a test?
no

72. Had surgery?
when I was a baby

73. Played your music so loud that the cops paid you a visit?
No, but I’ve had neighbors and the apartment manager come over and ask us to turn it down.

74. Gone on a date with one person and left them behind?
No, but I’ve wished I could.

75. Left graffiti somewhere?
no

76. Walked off a job?
no

77. Almost choked to death while eating?
not to death

78. Played an instrument for more than 10 years?
Nope, but I’ve been singing since I was 3.

79. Cheated on your income taxes?
no

80. Keyed someone else's car?
no

81. Thrown strange objects?
Yes, I throw things when I’m really frustrated.

82. Felt like you were dying?
yes

83. Thought about running away?
yes

84. Ran away?
When I was 7. I made it all the way to the corner.

85. Talked your way out of jury duty?
I’ve never been called for jury duty.

86. Made parents cry?
not that I know of

87. Broken a door down?
no

88. Owned more than 5 Sharpies?
Yes. I bought a giant multi-colored package a few years ago. It was amazing and I still have most of them floating around.

89. Squelched on a bet?
nope

90. Had your home foreclosed on?
no

91. Owned a horse?
nope :(

92. Been in a band?
Not one that actually played. We just pretended. :)

93. Gone a whole day without eating?
yes, all the time

94. Broken a window?
no

95. Shot an automatic weapon?
No, and I probably never will.

96. Been on myspace for more than 5 hours?
no

98. Had your home broken into?
yes

99. Invited yourself to a party?
no

100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral?
Not really. I’ve wondered if anyone would care. And I frequently discuss what kind of flowers I want. :)

Promises Promises

2009-11-11T18:37:00.003-08:00

I got a fringe (or bangs to those of you without a pseudo-Australian (currently) family) yesterday. And I totally need to show you all because holy cow is it weird. I haven't had bangs like this since I was...8? Or 12? I really don't remember. It's been a long time though. Anyways, I promised everyone on facebook yesterday that I would post pictures, but I don't have any. HOWEVER, today was my Grandma and my cousin's birthday and so of course we had a party and I am pretty sure my uncle took my picture. So if I can snag that from him, I can show you, if not, well, it might have to wait because my camera is dead. (Literally. I'm pretty sure there's no resurrection this time. My poor baby.)

Happy Veteran's Day!

Telling you a secret

2009-11-10T22:29:00.002-08:00

You may or may not know that I am addicted to blogs. Now you do. One I subscribe to is a lovely connoisseur of all things pretty who runs an Etsy shop selling her jewelry. This is Fleur Avenue. (That was awkward sentance construction, but my brain hurts trying to fix it.) Anyways, she's running a give-away right now for a necklace that I honestly NEED :) and if I post about it I get additional entries. Here it is. So now you all should go over there and subscribe, but DON'T enter the give-away because then I'll have a better chance. :) Or do enter, either way.

crap

2009-11-10T11:16:00.001-08:00

I didn't get the job. I don't know what to do. I've been unemployed for 11 months and seriously doing all that I can to find one. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sweet

2009-11-09T21:25:00.002-08:00

Tonight all the guys at the event I was at were incredibly hyper. And then they had doughnuts. And then not only were they hyper, they were scandelous too.

The end.

Freaking Crabby

2009-11-08T21:21:00.002-08:00

So...had a meltdown last night, cried myself to sleep. Then woke up on time, but took too long in the shower so I was late to my first meeting. Nice long break before church that usually I write letters during...my brain wouldn't string words together. Got home, found out that something my cousin and I did yesterday that we thought was funny and kind of nice really really offended an uncle. Went back to town, had the longest meeting known to man, in which I embarrassed myself and in the process offended a girl who doesn't like me much already (who knew I was so offensive?). I'm going to bed now.

I have a job interview tomorrow morning. Pray for me please!

I have something to say.

2009-11-07T19:13:00.002-08:00

It might not make sense, and it's kind of petty, but I'm going to say it anyways.

I get really jealous when other people talk about their romantic relationships.

This is stupid, in some ways, because I am in a romantic relationship, after all. In other ways, it's not so stupid because yes I'm in a romantic relationship, but I haven't seen B in 8 months, I haven't gotten to talk to him in real time or hear his voice at all in 6 months, and I won't for another 18 months or so. I'm jealous of the people who get to see their husband or wife or boyfriend or fiancee or whatever. I'm even jealous of the people who are seperated from their loved one, but still get to talk to them.

It's petty. I know. But I miss him. I miss seeing him and hearing him and hugging him and kissing him and walking with him and laughing at and with him and listening to him play his instruments and especially talking with him. But mostly I just miss him. I miss B. Himself. He's my best friend. And I just want to be with him. And I can't. Not for 18 months.

We're going on a year of living in seperate states. The first six months of that time we were able to talk almost every day, and we were blessed to be able to spend a total of three weeks together. I thought it was hard then. Now, we're surviving on letters and memories, and the letters aren't enough. Not tonight.

I don't want to hear that it'll be worth it. I don't want to hear how this seperation will make us stronger and how absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know. I just miss him.

18 months. 18 months. Only 18 months.

I guess it's better than 24 months.

So...

2009-11-06T21:45:00.005-08:00

The problem with trying to post every day is that sometimes I just have not much to say. Today is one of those days. So, umm, have a lovely day. And look at these beautiful pictures. One is a photograph I took of my fabulous second-youngest cousin, Ela, the other is a painting my fabulous and very talented sister, L, did from the photo in the style of Chuck Close. Actually, because Blogger is refusing to put the pictures where I want them (ARGH), the one above is the painting, the one below, the photo.

Isn't she adorable? And L awesome? Maybe this will become an "Ela and L are Awesome" blog. :)

I have a headache

2009-11-05T18:50:00.000-08:00

This is not unusual for me. Nor is it unusual for my headache to be so bad that all I want to do is curl up and die. I'd go to a doctor about them, but I have no money. None. Literally. I can't afford to pay the bills I currently have, there's no way I can rake up more trying to fund the cause of these headaches.

Ugh.

Going to bed now.

Once upon a time

2009-11-04T21:12:00.003-08:00

There was a family of ducks. A Rachael duck and her cousin ducks Christy duck and Emery duck. Christy duck and Rachael duck liked to shop, and Emery duck did not, so he told Christy duck and Rachael duck they could pick out all his clothes. So they did. One day Christy duck and Rachael duck were at the thrift store and found a tuxedo that was Emery duck's size. So they bought it gleefully. And it fit him perfectly. The end.

In other words...Today Christy and I went to the thrift store, where every Wednesday is $5 a bag for all clothes. Christy's brother Emery has given us total power over his wardrobe selection, and my brother Hammalam* is slowly giving me that power as well. The local thrift store is large and well-stocked and we frequently find awesome stuff at it, especially for the boys. So we're browsing the men's section and we spot a tuxedo hanging on the same rack as the incredible 1970s double-knit suits that thrift stores are so full of. We gasped, grabbed, and checked the tags. Emery's waist size, and the legs looked about right too. We gasped again and checked the condition. Perfect. We gasped a third time and shoved it in our bag, along with a handful of shirts for him and a dress for Christy. We took it home and waited impatiently for Emery to get home from school. As soon as he did, we made him try it on. It fits perfectly. Except the legs and sleeves had been hemmed slightly too short (but they'd work in a pinch). Luckily, I can fix that. In fact, we took out the old hems (a good four inches on both the sleeves and the legs) this evening and will get them hemmed properly as soon as we can wrangle him into holding still for us to check to correct length. I love being able to sew blind hems.

Seriously, final cost, $1 for the suit, plus hemming. This kid is 17. He owns his own tux now. And he looks amazing in it. I'm proud to say my cousins and brother are handsome boys, and Christy and I like making them look handsome-er.

*Hammalam is not actually his name, but the corruption used by the 3 year old my mom babysits. We think it's funny.

Tonight Tonight

2009-11-03T22:00:00.002-08:00

Well...not too much to report. Except maybe there is.

There's a new girl at FHE. She's older and a girl and not an engineer, so I'm thrilled. Except...I dunno...her voice irritates me for one. And oh the things I find out about myself from the crazy guys. Like I have a superiority complex and etc. They are irritating.

Today Christy and I were crafty and made hair pretties and I will take pictures sometimes because they are cute.

And now we are having a sleepover and will probably end up watching Horton Hears A Who or something equally ridiculous.

The End.

I don't know what to write

2009-11-02T17:25:00.003-08:00

This is a bad sign. Day 2 of committing to write everyday for a month and I already have nothing. Oh boy. But here I am anyways.

Hey look! Here's a picture of my cousin Nan with a sign that I NEED, even if she has to steal it and smuggle it back to the States in her suitcase. Also, one more month till this beautiful girl is HOME!

NaBloPoMo

2009-11-01T21:15:00.002-08:00

I've decided to sign up for NaBloPoMo again this year. It's an annual event where bloggers all over the world decide to be crazy and post every day for the month of November. And some of them even succeed. And then there's the ones who do that anyways. I've tried it the last three (four?) years and failed at least the last two. My records of the previous year(s) are on another site that I'm not even sure I have access to anymore. I should check that sometime. Anyways, just FYI. I already wrote today so this is a double whammy. Yes!

Odd

2009-11-01T10:20:00.002-08:00

Last night I dreamed about taking my cousins Ela and Callie to Creg's apartment. Creg is not his real name (it's actually an acronym used to refer to him before anyone (namely me and Christy) actually knew his name), nor have I ever been to his apartment (although I gave him a ride home after the party last night) (aside, I went to a party last night! Details later.). Highlights of the dream visit: he had a water bed, which Ela and Callie jumped on enthusiastically, and tons of awesome (and some slightly peeling) wallpapers, including, randomly, a Barbie print in the kitchen, which I did not see, but Ela and Callie told me about at length. Also, his apartment was in the wrong part of town, in a part that does not, in fact, have any apartments (near Little Ceaser's as opposed to Taco Flats, where he actually lives).

Party details: Christy and I complain all the time about how we never get invited to/informed of YSA events (especially the unofficial ones) because we're the only ones who don't work on base and they all see each other frequently and discuss. Also, no one has our phone numbers and we have none of theirs (which, as we couldn't find the address last night, we figured we should probably do something about). So when at the official church party last night some of them mentioned the party and asked if we were coming, we figured we had better. Just movies and pizza and all the candy you can eat in the scariest part of town. So we went and events occurred and conversations were had, none of them too dramatic, but they had me walking out at 12:30 murmuring to Christy as we braved the sidewalk "but...umm...umm...I'm engaged! Doesn't everyone know that by now?" and Christy laughing hysterically. (Nothing bad, mostly just a comment made on the way out by a guy I've never seen before who has the name of a High School Musical character and will therefore be referred to by HSM if needed (hopefully it won't be needed))

And now it's time for me to go get ready for church. I love having church in the afternoon.

I just realized how many parentheses these paragraphs have, especially the first one.

there is hope in the world

2009-10-26T22:03:00.002-07:00

My grandma (who I live with) is a major quilter and participates in a project with her guild making tiny quilts (32inches by 32 inches) to cover the incubators used for preemie babies in hospitals in our county. She is also a master Ebay-er and buys a lot of the fabric she uses for these quilts off Ebay and other online retailers. She recently bought some fabric from an Ebay seller in Michigan and asked the woman if she had any more of a specific print, explaining the project and that a lot of the preemie births are twins and other multiples, and they like to make coordinating quilts for multiples. The seller didn't, but when the shipment came, there were two extra yards of different material thrown in for free. Today a package arrived from this woman in Michigan with nearly 8 yards of high quality quilting fabric (which retails $8+ a yard), donated to the project. This woman has never met my grandmother and has no connection with our area, but generously donated the fabric for the project, with no explanation.

a few thoughts floating around in my head

2009-10-24T19:11:00.003-07:00

I've said it before, but having your mother on facebook is not cool.
I went to my high school's Homecoming football game last night. Holy cow has the team and the band gotten bad! We won, barely, but not because both teams were really good. Barely because both teams were so incredibly bad it almost seemed like they made points by accident. What happened to our CIF champs? And as for the band...cringe. The playing was better then the marching, but that's about all I can say.
I love Idaho and I miss it, which I realized while on a superfast visit last weekend. Am I crazy in saying that I wouldn't be opposed to moving back someday?
Oh, and being gone five days and having over 900 unread items in my google reader? Insane. I'm working on weeding out, but I'm addicted to the written word, to the adventures of people I don't know, and beautiful photography. Oh yeah, and the adventures and writings of my friends, who need to update their blogs by the way! (Love you girls!)
I've figured out why I'm not super excited to go to my cousin's wedding next month, besides the whole driving to Idaho in November thing (snowstorms=not my favorite driving conditions). B can't go with me. Going to a wedding without B seems wrong, seems boring, seems awful. I'm happy for No-me, I am, but going to a wedding without B isn't something I want to do. But I'll be there, with a smile on my face, tears in my eyes, camera in hand, and hopefully no snow on my shoes.
Speaking of B, he's doing great. Or at least that's what he says. Reading between the lines, I'd say he's good. Better than before, at least. We're almost 1/4 of the way through this wretched seperation.
I have come to the conclusion that even though I have no idea what's going to happen next in my life, even though I'm unemployed and miss my friends and miss B so much it sometimes hurts to breathe, I'm happy! You all hear that? I'm HAPPY! This is so unusual in these circumstances, it almost deserves a post of its own.

2009-10-15T13:08:00.002-07:00

I have a couple hard letters to write and I can't seem to do it. One is to B, trying to explain some things I've said recently, tell him some concerns, and basically I need to try really hard not to have a meltdown. The other is to my cousin Nan, trying to express my thoughts on a hard thing that's come up recently with her and the family.

In other news, I have a paying photography job next month!?! Which means my lack of functional camera is a serious problem, especially when compounded by my lack of income. Oy. I need a job.

Can someone please tell me

2009-10-12T23:19:00.002-07:00

why being a grown-up is so hard?

I'm having identity crisis after identity crisis lately. I don't know what I want to do anymore. I'm not even sure if grad school is something I want to do anymore. I'm not sure if I want a career anymore. If you know me, you're probably going "WHAT???" But I don't know if I want the other options either. I just feel lost and confused.

I just don't know.

I need to write more. Here and in general.

I miss people who understand me.

2009-09-24T22:18:00.002-07:00

Top Three Reasons I Wish I Was In Rexburg Right Now

So I could try this. I miss fall leaves.
Ariel's pre-mission talk/hoopla is this weekend in Pingree (outside Blackfoot). She'll be home about the same time as B, and I haven't seen her since the last time I saw B. I plain ol' miss Us.
The scorpians there don't get big. In fact, I never saw one there. And they wouldn't come hang out in my second floor bedroom. Here, they do. I swear that bugger is six inches long, and he's hiding somewhere in my room. Hence, I'm sleeping on the couch, a towel has been shoved under my door, and it's being fumigated. Nasty.

Top Three Reasons I'm Glad I'm Not In Rexburg Right Now

I would miss Callie's baptism.
My town is celebrating it's 100th anniversary this weekend with a big parade and bbq.
I wouldn't be eating Thrifty ice cream out of the carton.

friendship changes

2009-09-19T00:38:00.003-07:00

I have a confession to make. I’m not very good at keeping in touch with friends. I love to write and I love to talk, and I really love to write letters, but I just don’t. I’m not much for talking on the phone either. There’s only a few people who I can easily talk on the phone to, and for the last several years, my friends have gotten more and more spread out, making face to face conversations impossible. Phone conversations are awkward. Email conversations tend to peter out after a while. I facebook constantly, but not much of substance. (As an aside, don’t you love how “facebook” has gone from nothing, to a noun, to a verb/adjective/adverb in our vocabularies in the last 5 or 6 years?) In other words, if you read my blog, you probably have a better chance of knowing what’s going on in my life than almost anyone else. And not many people I actually know are aware of this. I try to keep myself un-google-able (I mean, if you put my name into a search engine, you’re not going to find this), and for some reason I have a hard time telling people I blog.

The reason I bring this up is this: My best friend from high school, T, recently started a poetry blog. She’s one of those friends I’m not so good about keeping up with. She doesn’t know the details of me and B, she doesn’t know what’s been going on with my life and my family, and I don’t know those details about her. We’re basically facebook friends. She doesn’t know about my blog. (Well, I mentioned it when we had breakfast a couple months ago, but I didn’t give her the address, and like I said, I try to be un-google-able.) (Point, Rach, make your point.) So T started this blog and she’s been posting the poems she’s written, beginning last winter. One, coincidentally written on my birthday of this year, when I hadn’t yet told her I wasn’t getting married this year after all (I had found out only a day or two before), on a day when I was lonely and crying and desperately wishing I could talk to her or someone, but not calling because they all had more important things to do than listen to me cry (and believe me, T (and all my friends) has listened to me cry on more occasions than I’d like to admit). Anyways, this poem T wrote on my birthday reminded me of me. Reminded me of T and I and how I (we, I suppose, but me) have neglected our friendship over the last several years. And it made me realize that in neglecting my friendship with T, and my friendships with others, I’ve lost out on something valuable. I’ve lost out on years of friendship, years that we can never get back. But we can start over, or rather, I suppose, take our relationships off hold and try to patch the holes I’ve made. It’s hard to do that, but I’m going to try. Maybe it’s the situation that B and I are in, where we’re both so desperate to keep our relationship the same, even moving forward, when it’s so hard, being across the ocean from each other, and everything that goes with it, knowing that we’ll be picking up, if not where we left off, then somewhere close, that I think it’s possible to rekindle those friendships, especially with T and my other best friends, but I think it’s going to take work. And I’m going to need some help.

So here’s the deal. I’m setting a goal. I keep my goals better when I tell them to people. My goal is this: to get back in touch, really in touch, with one friend per month. At least. I know this isn’t a very ambitious goal to begin with, but this is going to be hard for me. So my plan is to contact a friend that I don’t talk to often. And then I will pester them until we’re either back in touch or they place a restraining order on me. And then I’ll write about it. So there we go. It’ll be fun. You guys can keep me in line.

Perspective

2009-09-01T16:30:00.002-07:00

I talk, and think, a lot about how my life is so hard. Everything seems to be falling apart, nothing seems to be going my way. I'm done making plans because they never work out. That kind of thing. I was talking to a friend today, and she mentioned how she tries to remember that her life is not as hard as Job's. And yeah, it's something I've been told and reminded repeatedly. And when I stop to think, I really am blessed.

My life is not that hard. I read a blog by a woman who was in horrible accident last year, and was in a coma for several months and had severe burns.

I read another blog by a woman whose husband has an inoperable brain tumor.

A friend of mine's baby boy is only a few months old and has already had to have two open heart surgeries.

Yeah, my life isn't perfect, but I'm healthy, and those I love are relatively healthy too. B is far away and I miss him and it's hard, but he's safe. I'm unemployed, but I have a very generous family. I'm lonely, but I have friends who call me out of the blue and who make special arrangements to see me when they're in town. I am blessed.

I don't have it that bad.

I just need to keep that perspective.

1, 2, 3, 4

2009-08-15T22:13:00.002-07:00

I want to blog, I really do. I just have no words to express all my emotions right now.

For the mean time, though, here, watch the video of my new favorite song. It makes me cry. In a good way. And I've been listening to it nonstop for the last few days.

Oh, umm, hello again

2009-08-10T21:45:00.002-07:00

Yeah, so, like a month ago I said I was going to be posting more frequently. I've learned my lesson, and am not making such promises this time. It's been a somehow crazy month, and yet incredibly incredibly boring. This past week (5 days, actually) have been really extra difficult, and I don't really want to go into the why and wherefores (if you know, and several of my regular readers (that makes it sound like lots of people read this, which they don't really) do, please don't comment about it, I don't want to talk about it any more). Sorry for not talking all about my life, but here's a brief update.

Still unemployed, still in Ridgecrest, still living with my grandparents.
I miss B like crazy, but he's doing good and we're okay. He's working on Maui right now, in a town called Pukalani, which according to Wikipedia is one of the three largest towns on Maui, with a population of around 7500. He likes his companion, who is from Utah and has the name of one of the dry lakes around here for his last name, which makes me laugh. B likes the work and is very busy. There's a banana tree in their backyard.
I'm hoping to make it out of R/C a time or two in the next few months. I'd like to go see friends in OC and Huntington Beach, plus a dear friend of mine, one of the group that is always Us with a capital U in my mind is going on a mission in October and I'd like to see her (and the rest of my friends) in Idaho before she goes. I would probably spend at least one night in Utah, as well, so... We'll see, though, I'm pretty much flat broke and that's not going to change too quickly even if by some miracle I find a job this week.
Highlights of the summer: family reunion trip to Utah, including a quick visit with Kelli; breakfast with Tori at Nick's; running into random people from high school random places; tons of cousin time...

That's pretty much my life.

A little bit of explanation

2009-07-17T11:07:00.001-07:00

Attend an Opera
I’ve always considered myself a music lover, and I like to think of myself as cultured. Some people have the mistake idea that I’m glamorous. To me, the ultimate in music loving is appreciating opera. The ultimate in glamour in my mind is attending an opera live, all dressed up and fancy.

Be a Mentor
There are so many people who have mentored me in my life, and I’m sure there will be more; teachers, relatives, professors, friends, roommates, work associates. I feel a great debt to these people and can pay them back only by passing on the mentoring. I have learned so much from so many, and the greatest thing anyone can do with their wisdom and knowledge is to pass it on, to teach others from my mistakes and the mistakes others have made so that they don’t have to make them. I want to contribute in a positive way to the people around me, the people who make up the world I live in. Mentoring is the best contribution I can think of.

Be a tourist in my own town
I’ve always thought that I live in boring places…Ridgecrest, Inyokern, Winnemucca, Rexburg…these are not the places you think of when you think of a destination. And yet, people come to these places, and they enjoy them. There are museums, there are touristy things, and there are amazing works of art and funky shops everywhere, not just in the big cities. My goal is to come to appreciate these things I tend to look to large cities (or at least “cooler” small towns than my town) for in my own community. I think it’s important to shop local, but I rarely do. I think it’s important to support the local arts, but I never do. I drive around town and notice things that would make great photos, but I never have my camera, so I never stop. I want to learn to carry my camera, even when I’m at home. To go into the small stores when I’m looking for a gift instead of pulling up Amazon.com. To attend the local museums and cultural events. To appreciate the awesomeness of my community and stop wishing to be somewhere else.

Blow bubbles off a bridge or tall building
This just sounds like fun. Serious fun. Even better, get a whole bunch of people to do it with me. Can you imagine? A thousand people blowing bubbles off a bridge or a skyscraper? Holy awesome.

Buy a Hammock
There is something about hammocks that has always appealed to me. Maybe it’s the image of a lazy summer afternoon, lounging in the hammock with a good book and a never ending supply of lemonade. Maybe it’s the picture of a family piled in, laughing together. Maybe it’s the thought of curling up in it for some alone time with my husband. Whatever it is, I’ve always wanted one. One of those free standing ones would be nice, but even better would be one we can string up between two trees in our backyard, take on camping trips and relax.

100 things begins

2009-07-15T20:03:00.003-07:00

I have a file on the desktop of my computer. 100 Things. It's a list of 100 things I want to do in my life, and I thought I would start writing little blurbs about each one to explain why this generally random thing is something I want to do. And then I thought I should post it on the blog because I've been too lazy to write anything specifically for the blog lately. So I'll begin by posting my list, then in the coming weeks or months, post my paragraphs on each one. I've mentioned this list before, but I've changed a few things since then. It's also only 99 things, because I can't seem to come up with just one more thing I want to do. Well, I can, there's another list of things I'd like to do that I don't really have control over, kind of a goal list for my friends, if you will. It's in alphabetical order, not order of importance.

1. Attend an opera
2. Be a mentor
3. Be a tourist in my own town
4. Blow bubbles off a bridge or tall building
5. Buy a hammock
6. Buy a home
7. Buy nothing for a month
8. Eat no sugar/chocolate/sweets for a month
9. Get a graduate degree
10. Get a passport
11. Get a professional manicure and pedicure
12. Get my BMI to the normal range (18.5-24.9) http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
13. Give $1000 to a charity in one lump sum
14. Give birth
15. Go a month without the internet
16. Go backpacking
17. Go fishing
18. Go horseback riding
19. Go on a senior couple mission
20. Go to a drive-in movie
21. Go to Australia
22. Go to India
23. Have a romantic candle-lit meal
24. Head a Relay-for-Life team
25. Hike Mt Whitney
26. Hike to Hanging Lake again
27. Host a party for more than 100 guests
28. Keep fresh flowers in the house for a year
29. Kiss under fireworks
30. Learn a foreign language
31. Learn an instrument
32. Learn ballroom dancing
33. Learn how to give a massage
34. Learn to cut guys’ hair
35. Learn to dive
36. Learn to juggle
37. Learn to play chess
38. Learn to ride a motorcycle
39. Learn yoga
40. Live alone
41. Make a quilt (begun 7.3.2009)
42. Make a will
43. Make beef jerky
44. Make pasta from scratch
45. Marry in the temple
46. Own 1000 books
47. Participate actively in a political cause
48. Participate in the Avon Breast Cancer Walk
49. Pay off all current consumer debt (July 09) and avoid future debt
50. Pay off all student loans
51. Photograph a wedding
52. Plant a tree
53. Primitive camp for a week straight
54. Publish something
55. Read 5000 individual books
56. Read and visit Walden Pond
57. Reupholster something on my own
58. Ride a camel or an elephant
59. Ride in a limousine
60. Road trip across the United States
61. Road trip up the West Coast (San Diego to Canada) (Taking CA Highway 1 as far as possible)
62. Run a 10k
63. See Wicked live
64. Sew a blessing outfit for each of our children
65. Shoot a bulls-eye
66. Sing a solo in public again
67. Ski or snowboard
68. Sleep in a tree
69. Sleep on a beach (no tent)
70. Snorkel in a coral reef
71. Spend a day at home without using electricity or fossil fuels (incl. batteries)
72. Spend a year outside the USA
73. Spend at least 24 hours in each of the 50 states
74. Start and maintain a savings account
75. Surf
76. Swim in the Great Salt Lake
77. Take a cruise
78. Take a fencing class
79. Take a floral arranging course
80. Take a hot air balloon ride
81. Take a long train ride
82. Throw a dart onto a map and travel to where it lands
83. Throw a theme party
84. Visit a rainforest
85. Visit Manzanar
86. Visit the British Isles (England, Wales, Ireland, and Scotland)
87. Visit the Grand Canyon
88. Visit the Holy Land
89. Visit the San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park
90. Visit Washington DC and tour the White House, Congress, the Library of Congress and the Smithsonian
91. Vote every election (including local ones)
92. Watch the sun rise
93. Wear grownup perfume
94. Winter camp
95. Witness a solar eclipse
96. Work on a Habitat for Humanity house
97. Write a book
98. Write Brian every week of his mission (begun 5.13.09)
99. Write something every day for a year

Listening In

2009-06-30T14:52:00.002-07:00

I'm at the library, listening to some 18 or so year old guy tutor a 14 year old boy in math (those are my age guesses, both could be a year or four older or younger). They're both wearing basketball shorts and backwards baseball caps over shaggy summer hair. The younger kid is idolizing the older one, and the older is rolling in the adoration of a fan, and regaling him with stories of college life (good ol' CCCC, taking courses at Harvard on the Hill). He slept through his class this morning. College history is all essays. College English sucks. His teachers hate him... I'm chuckling to myself about how much this older kid is trying to impress the younger one, and trying hard not to giggle out loud at how hard he's trying to sound worldly.

I Wonder

2009-06-23T16:31:00.000-07:00

Who decided that blue was blue and red was red? Why do the people I love drive me so crazy? What will my life be like in 1, 5, 10, 20…50 years? Will everything work out? Am I ever going to find a job? Who decides what words are cool? Does everyone feel this way? Am I crazy? Are you crazy? Why aren’t I more patient? Why do people think I’m so much nicer than I actually am? How come I can’t say no? Shouldn’t my life be focused more outside my books? Am I ever going to be able to go back to school? Will things really work out with B? How come my creative impulses never work out the way I want them to? Why am I so afraid? Could I actually make a living doing something I love to do? Why am I so anti-social when my studies focus on social interactions? Am I really cut out for academia? Will I be a good mother? Will I be a good wife? Am I going to make it? Am I ever going to get a job? What is my purpose in life? Where will I live? How can I be a better person? Am I too stubborn? Should I chop all my hair off? Why can’t I seem to lose this weight? Why don’t I sing anymore? Does anyone have all the answers? Why does our family still use so many of our baby words when we’re all in our 20s and teens? Why does water taste so good some places and so bad others? Will I ever learn? Can I make it on my own? Can I manage my finances so I can get out of debt and not get into any more? Am I losing my faith? What if I do? Is it possible to pay off my student loans in the next two years? Do people miss me as much as I miss them? Will I ever be able to afford to go to Europe/Australia/Asia? Why are foreign languages so hard for me to learn? How come I can’t roll my R’s? Do people honestly wear the things that come down the runways and are in the high fashion magazines? Why are certain family members so obsessed with the idea of a hope chest? Who decides what are good manners and bad? Who decides what’s tacky? Do people honestly believe those crazy things? Why do I believe those crazy things? Do I believe? Do I ask too many questions? Is there such a thing? Do I worry too much? Why do I worry so much? How does electricity work? Why do trends recycle themselves? What’s the difference between a turtle and a tortoise? How come some people never get sick? What are my talents? Why is paisley such a popular motif? Will people ever live in Antarctica? Why are people so cruel? How can things like the Holocaust happen? Will I get any mail today? Why do I care so much? Do I suffocate the people I love? How does the Musical Road work? How did they figure out how to get airplanes up in the air?